Mr Congeniality
by ebon-drake
Summary: A Voltron-Miss Congeniality Xover. A new and dangerous terrorist threat has risen, and the Voltron Force must cooperate with their biggest enemy in order to stop them before they strike again- at the Mr. Universe competion! 0-o
1. Muscle space on the mother speedo? WTF?

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good! :P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies.... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0-o.

Rating: PG-13

Characters: pretty much everyone

Archive: if you wanna, go ahead

Warnings: mild adult content (some language and implied stuff)

Story Type: Humor/Romance

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch.1

All was eerily still within the confines of Castle Control as the members of the Voltron Force stood in a tightly clustered group in front of the Arusian Prime Minister. The expression that Coran wore was grave, so everyone had a sinking feeling that the news he was about to deliver could not be good. Everyone waited in pained anticipation, even Keith, commander of the Voltron Force, with all of his usual military stoicism. Coran glanced over to each and every person, and listlessly ran a hand through his abundantly thick hair as he meditatively inhaled a preparatory breath, and then exhaled slowly.

Finally, he spoke.

"I wish to thank you all for meeting with me at this time of night, Voltron Force. There is something that we need to discuss. No doubt that you've already heard of it, but.... I am afraid that there has been another terrorist attack."

Pidge, the young techie of the team, gasped a little, his voice unsteady, "You don't mean.... La-Aquadi??"

Coran nodded austerely, his chestnut eyes dark.

"This is the fourth attack that has taken place in two months, and this last attack has been the greatest in magnitude so far. Just 8 hours ago, an antimatter bomb was detonated in the middle of a charity convention, the largest in the Denubian Galaxy, held on the planet Titus- at least 11,590 people have been confirmed dead, but Galaxy Garrison has placed the over-all number to be around 18,000 since there a great deal of people still missing."

Princess Allura immediately felt her heart freeze up in her chest.

Her hand flying up to her lips in disbelief, she whispered, "Why did this happen, Coran? All of those people...."

The Prime Minister sighed, shaking his head sadly, "Unfortunately, Garrison intelligence has no idea.... they had no notion that it had ever been coming, and no demands were ever issued. The event literally happened out of the blue."

Keith stepped authoritatively forward, his tone laced with an underlying doubt. "But how do you know that this isn't Zarkon's doing? It sounds like something that he would stoop to."

"Again, I am afraid not, Keith. This attack was too random. We've managed to infiltrate Doom's network to a certain extent, and we have heard nothing of this type of thing even being planned, but with La-Aquadi.... Galaxy Garrison has only bits and pieces on them. They are unscrupulous and incredibly violent, with several operating cells that are always on the move: because of this, they are extremely unpredictable and difficult to pinpoint. And they have claimed responsibility for the other attacks. This last attack also matches the same criteria of all the others- erratic to the core."

"What is their goal, though? They couldn't have established themselves without any ambitions," Lance, the second-in-command of the team, inquired.

Coran straightened himself out.

"Simply put, the La-Aquadi are anarchists. They despise the Alliance and see it as corrupt, so they are trying to overthrow them by instigating multiple civil wars. But they themselves are destructive and bigoted. There is no atrocity that La-Aquadi will not do, and they offer no explanation for their offenses. If they accomplish their purpose, the entire galaxy will be beset by chaos."

Keith's countenance became incredulous.

"But that would put them on the side of Zarkon, though!"

"They dislike the Empire as much as they do the Alliance," Coran gently countered, leaning back a little against the console panel, just barely missing sitting on the glowing "Fire All Nuclear Missiles" button, "La-Aquadi distrusts any large centralized government that wields mass power."

"So why have they only attacked the Alliance?"

"We don't know yet. They might be planning one against them as we speak, though," was all that the Prime Minister could truthfully say.

Hunk impatiently shoved his hands into his pockets and glowered balefully in the direction of the metallic flooring.

"So what do we do now?" he asked hotly.

"As you all have surmised, La-Aquadi has become a dire threat. They have already killed a mind-boggling number of innocent people, and they show no signs of stopping. The attacks have been coming closer and closer to the vicinity of Arus, and it just might be that Voltron or the Castle of Lions will be one of their next targets. They are veritable symbols of the Alliance in this galaxy. We don't know. But one thing is for sure- La-Aquadi must be stopped."

"But if our guys in Garrison intelligence have nothing on them, then how can we stop them?" the Yellow Lion pilot demanded with a thinly concealed frustration.

Coran stuck a finger his index finger into the air triumphantly.

"Galaxy Garrison has actually received something in advance of an attack this time," he explained, a note of hope and excitement entering his voice, his eyes brightening for the first time since the discussion had commenced, "A letter. But it's very cryptic.... here, let me show you," Coran pressed a couple of buttons, and the main view screen in Castle Control came alive with a scan of a typed letter, "Galaxy Garrison sent it to us a couple of hours ago. Apparently, La-Aquadi does intend to strike again; we just don't really know when or where."

The Voltron Force members stared at the screen for a few moments. The text on it was typed, but it made no sense at all.

Hunk once again broke the silence.

"'Muscle space on the mother speedo universe meet on the sausage?'" he arched a dark eyebrow quizzically, "Coran, this is just a bunch of gobbledygook! It doesn't do anything for me but remind me of how hungry that I am."

The Prime Minister pushed an additional button, and the view screen turned off. He turned towards the group and shrugged apologetically.

"Well, that's really all we have to go off of for now. Intelligence will be working to crack this letter day and night. This may be the best chance that we have of catching La-Aquadi and bringing them down, and we need to take it. We might not get another one again."

"So are we correct in assuming that once Galaxy Garrison cracks the letter, the Voltron Force will be sent to prevent the attack?" Allura questioned, her voice clear and steady.

Coran nodded slowly in agreement again.

"Yes, Princess. We are the closest Alliance force that is located within the area of all the attacks. The mission will undoubtedly be dangerous, but these men, whoever they are, must be prevented in carrying out any more of their evil deeds. They threaten the very stability of the Alliance, which could put us in further jeopardy with the Drule Empire."

A puzzled expression crossed Lance's face. Bringing out a hand from the recesses of his leather jacket, he gestured in the air imperiously.

"But didn't you just say that La-Aquadi hates the Empire, too? If they did attack the Empire, wouldn't that be a plus for us?"

"Yes, Lance," Coran sighed, tiredly rubbed his temples, "But they are a threat to both of us. The organization must be destroyed, for our sake and safety. If the Empire also benefits from this action, then.... well, I guess that we'll also be doing something good for them."

Pidge rolled his eyes.

"Well, imagine that," he snorted as he pushed his glasses a little further up the bridge of his nose with a careless finger, "Then I guess we can expect a few thank you gifts from Zarkon and the bunch come Christmas time- a boot to the head and a robeast."

"Maybe the robeast will come gift-wrapped," Lance mused.

Everyone chuckled softly at this ludicrous thought.

"Will Galaxy Garrison keep us abreast of what's going on?" Allura inquired, still giggling a little.

"Of course, Princess. Hopefully, they'll make some headway by tomorrow," Coran replied.

And then the Prime Minister addressed everyone else.

"That is about all I can tell you for now. Thank you again for coming down here with me. If you wish, you may return to your personal quarters now," his voice had sobered back down to its original solemn tone, "But before you all leave, if you will, will you please join me in a small prayer for all the departed in that attack?"

No one said a word when they bowed their heads downward slightly in respect. As Coran whispered the prayer, Allura felt her heart genuinely go out towards all of the victims of the bombing, not only those who had died, but also those who had lost family or were now orphans.... she knew that scalding feeling only too well. She felt the beginnings of tears well up at the corners of her azure eyes, but she silently wiped her face with one of the long sleeves of her jump suit before any could fall. When the prayer was over, Allura gazed at all of the guys and saw that they had been similarly affected.

"Thank you, that is all," Coran uttered quietly, looking at them all, "I bid you all good night."

At this, he stiffly adjusted his long coat with his hands and walked out of Castle Control. The team, however, lingered momentarily.

After the doors hissed shut behind the departing Prime Minister, Keith turned and faced them, addressing them with pure and unadorned words, "Coran is right. This terrorist group needs to be brought down, and brought down hard. What kind of people would slaughter innocents in the name of a misguided cause?" he shook his head angrily, his unruly, black hair flying everywhere, "Enough people have already died needlessly. This needs to stop."

All of the team members gravely nodded in assent.

When Allura finally did reach her room, she changed from her jump suit into an airy nightgown, and before she went to bed, she knelt before her window and murmured one more prayer, this time for her parents.


	2. The Ruthless Conqueror is a Klutz

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good! :P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies.... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0-o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

(No blue cats were harmed in the making of this chapter)

Ch. 2

As the sun rose into the new morning sky of planet Doom, it was accompanied by its usual luster- a gray atmosphere and thick, black clouds that quietly rumbled with hidden thunder. And it was at this exact moment that Prince Lotor, son of King Zarkon, decided to wake up.

His saffron eyes languidly cracked open as the biggest yawn imaginable escaped his mouth. Immediately, his hands retreated to his temples when his head began to pound as if a robeast death match were being held inside of it. A pained hiss escaped his clenched teeth.

....Augh!.... That is last time I mix vodka, Polluxian brandy, and that stuff I found in that vial in Hagar's lab again.... ever!!...., he thought with a pissed remorse, ....Oh, my head.....

He ceased all movements of his body, and waited, and slowly.... slowly.... the pain occupying his throbbing temples began to fade after a few moments. When it had finally deteriorated to the point where it was merely an ebbing headache, rather than a migraine, Lotor slowly allowed his hands to fall back into place.

....Okay, just nice and easy now....

The prince of Doom drew himself up into a sitting position on his bed, and the comforter that had been draped over him was now laying just below his muscular abdomen. Closing his eyes and inhaling a deep breath, he took note of his surroundings. The chaotic background certainly looked familiar.... he was in his own private suite. At least he hadn't woken up only to find himself strangely draped over Zarkon's seat inside of the royal box in the arena with mysterious and ribald comments scrawled onto his body with lipstick again, which was good. His room merely looked as if a rave had taken place within it, and clothes, beer bottles, and half-empty goblets were littered all over the priceless carpet that covered the marble floor. His walls had some random graffiti scribbled onto them with permanent marker. Lotor squinted and read something that looked like, "Remember, it's not 'How high are you?'. It's "Hi, how are you?'" and another one that said.... oh. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. So, throw me down, and tie me up, and show me that you like me."

Lotor groaned. He would have also smacked himself in the face in disgust had he not remembered his delicate hangover.

"Damn it, Cossack, you ass.... it's going to take forever to get this cleaned up. Oh, well. I'll just get someone up here later on to take care of it."

It wasn't until after the rueful statement left his lips did he feel the quiet stirring next to him. Turning curiously around, he looked down and saw an outline of what appeared to be a person completely hidden under the covers next to him. Tossing the sheets up, Lotor first saw a lustrous mass of blonde hair.

His breath caught in his throat. Could it be?....

"....Allura?" his deep voice came out as only a whisper, which carried a note of trepidation that hung heavy in the air.

His fingers softly stroked the golden tresses. He had never dared dream of this moment, and yet, here it was....

He pulled the sheets down further, and his beloved sighed as she began to turn tantalizingly over. Her face began to come into view, and....

His fantasy came to a screeching halt.

"Gah!" Lotor swore with a contained fury, mindful of his hangover, "I knew it was too good to be true!"

For although the hair matched the mane of his angel, the profile of this woman was different. He blew out a rough sigh. She was merely a girl from the harem.

Well, it was time to get out of bed. Cracking his neck, he lifted the rest of the comforter off of himself and stood up....only to feel one of his feet come down onto something long, skinny, and furry. A loud feline yowl reverberated throughout his room, and a stabbing agony filled his leg.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM, YOU FUCKING ANKLE-BITER!!!" Lotor eloquently roared as he jumped up into the air.

In reply, Hagar's familiar flattened its ears and growled at him, hastily retreating into a corner. The Drule prince bellowed in rage again as his hangover returned with a vengeance, but through the haze of pain in his mind, he managed to stumble towards the corner the blue cat was in. Gnashing his teeth together, he yanked the familiar up by its tail and he drop kicked it out of his open window. The usually violent feline hissed as it sailed outside into the open air and bleak surroundings of planet Doom. After he slammed the window shut, Lotor massaged his temples with a light touch to alleviate the stabbing pain.

....Owww.... if I wasn't hurting so much, I might have enjoyed that....

After a few minutes of this treatment, the migraine again shrunk down to a minor headache, which he could deal with. Gently shaking his head, he looked up and saw that the slave girl who had been curled up in the bed was now staring at him in concern.

"My lord, are you alright?" she inquired, clutching the sheets around herself with clenched fists.

Not wanting to deal with her, Lotor merely gave a listless nod. Turning around, he prepared to make a beeline towards the bathroom when, all of a sudden, he tripped over another object, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"AUGGHHH!!!!" he bawled in fury again.

He wildly scrambled back to his feet and placed a well-aimed kick at the offending object, but unfortunately, it turned out to be his platinum war helmet. A whole new pain shot up the same leg that Coba had chewed on, making Lotor howl in outrage. As he grabbed his injured foot with one hand and danced around in agony, he realized that he had probably woken up the entire castle by now. Indeed, the curvaceous female in his room immediately rushed out of the bed and towards his side. Before she could do anything, though, he frantically waved her away, almost slapping her silly in the process.

"No!...." he choked, "Just.... stay.... there...."

He lurched against the wall, and bit down on his lower lip hard as he allowed the waves of torment to wash over him. He silently counted to twenty before he allowed himself back up, where he took assessment of his surroundings again in an attempt to diffuse his temper.

....Okay, the helmet is there.... the cat is outside, hopefully in the deepest, darkest corner of the Pit of Skulls.... the bed is over there.... and the bathroom is right in front of me.... There is crud on the floor, but if I walk very.... slowly.... I will be okay....

Taking his time, Lotor carefully sidestepped random objects on the ground as if he were avoiding cunningly hidden booby traps. About 8 minutes later, he eventually stood in front of the bathroom's entrance. The journey to it had actually gone pretty well. He only maimed himself just one more time, when he accidentally rammed his groin against the edge of a nightstand. Now, he marched into the bathroom, and splashed clean water into his face in order to fully wake himself up. Gasping slightly from the cold, he toweled off his face and looked into the mirror to see the extent of the damage from the previous night's festivities. He had slight dark circles under his felinoid eyes and his mane looked like it had been blown around in a tornado, but otherwise he appeared no worse for the wear. He had the same roguish good looks. He grinned experimentally at his reflection, revealing slightly pointed canines. Yep. Same sexy smirk.

He looked fine. The muted agony that coursed through his head would eventually fade as the day wore on, and it wasn't anything that a ton of water couldn't fix. Satisfied, Lotor turned away and proceeded, tripping and stumbling on his way, of course, until he reached his closet. The klutzy prince reached in for a uniform, but when his hand grasped nothing but air, he poked his head in and saw that there was only a lone, dusty suit that lay at the end.

....What, did someone forget to do laundry?....

Too exhausted to really give a damn, he grabbed the clothing and changed into without really looking at it. Content that the ordeal was at least over, he stretched his arms and then plodded across his room again. However, he stopped and stared in horror when he passed a mirror.

....What the?!....

He looked like an damn fruitcake! The pants he wore were fine, fairly nondescript. They were a dark color, either dark blue or black. ....But the shirt! It was a bleached white, with long sleeves, but the entirety of it was covered with bows, lace, and frills! There was no way in hell he was going to go out there looking like that! He'd never hear the end of it. Lotor tried fiddling around with the ornamental decorations for a moment, but when nothing availed, he snarled in disgust and ripped all of the frilly junk off. The shirt looked a little ragged afterwards, but he figured that that was better than running around looking like an effeminate pinhead.

All that was left now was the hair.... and he was afraid to touch it. As if reading his mind, the slave girl returned with a comb, and Lotor figured that he had better suffer her treatment for the moment. She ran it through his white hair (well,she attempted to, at least), and he had to bite down on his lip to keep from growling out loud. Each tug of the comb just sent new spasms to his brain as his hangover threatened to rear its ugly head again.

"Alright, enough!" he barked, placing some distance between the two of them, "Geez! Give me some anesthetic over here!"

The servant stiffly bowed in apology.

"My lord, all of your hair is one giant knot. It will take some time to get through, and it will not be pleasant. ....When was the last time your hair was groomed?"

"How the hell should I remember?" he retorted impatiently, brushing some pale strands back behind a pointy ear.

The slender blonde possessed enough knowledge and self-preservation to roll her green eyes when Lotor wasn't looking.

"Very well, my lord. Do you wish to continue?"

The Drule prince anxiously waved her away, not wanting to relive the migraine from hell again, "Ah, no.... I'll just.... I'll take care of everything else."

He tried playing around with the massive snarl in his mane, but when his legendary temper began to resurface, he threw his hands up in the air in disgust.

"You know what? Screw it!"

He dug around in his pockets and fished out a leather thong. Tying his tresses back with it, Lotor smoothed out most of the funny bumps that popped up in his hair and then surveyed his reflection. A little sloppy, but definitely much better. He'd take care of it later.

"Have some one come in here and clean this place up while I'm gone," he informed the woman once he was finished.

Her scantily-clad body bowed low before him.

"It will be done, my lord."

"Uh.... good."

With a sigh, the prince brushed some dust off of his shirt and then tripped out of his door, ready to greet the new day, albeit a little reluctantly. And despite the prior twenty minute demonstration of his clumsiness, surliness, horrible temper, and lack of restraint or manners, he still managed to walk with a confidence buoyed by an inherently huge ego.

....I may be a klutz, but I'm a klutz who's the scourge of the universe, baby!....


	3. Commander Hawkin's Transmission

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good! :P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies.... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0-o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch. 3

Meanwhile, back on Arus, the Voltron Force members felt like they could burst at any moment with frantic impatience. All that they could think about last night was that mysterious letter, and it almost seemed like Galaxy Garrison was deliberately dangling a proverbial carrot in front of them. What was taking them so long in cracking that nonsensical document??

They lounged around in Castle Control, attempting to kill time until someone felt it proper to send a transmission. Pidge and Hunk had occupied themselves with an old board game called Monopoly that had been with Keith since his days in the Academy. Lance was busy reading a magazine with a dubious name. Upon closer inspection, Allura saw that it read "Vampire Vixens from Venus." So, it was his usual literary research, then. Keith was engrossed with a letter to a friend and fellow officer back at Galaxy Garrison that he was just now starting. Allura herself had brought some of her books out from her room, intending to study, but she then changed her mind and decided to join Hunk and Pidge in their game; she had never played or even heard of Monopoly before. Upon hearing this, they gleefully took it upon themselves to teach her the nuances of obtaining the coveted Boardwalk Place and passing Go and collecting $200.00. The game was a little boring to her at first, but she soon became swept up in the competitiveness. Allura was so absorbed into what she was doing that when the console "pinged", indicating a waiting transmission, she jumped up into the air as if someone had slid some ice cubes down her dress.

Pidge cocked an eyebrow at her from where he had comfortably plopped himself down on the floor.

"You okay, Princess?"

Nodding absentmindedly, she shook it off.

"Yes, I'm okay. I was just a little startled, that's all."

Allura carefully smoothed out the bodice of her pink gown with her hands.

Meanwhile, the console was still pinging away. As if just now recalling what the awaiting transmission might be, the remaining team members dropped everything that they were doing and and scrambled wildly for the console, each eager to be the one to press the shiny, blinking button. Being the limberest, and the most vertically challenged, Pidge simply vaulted over everyone and arrived at the button first.

"Hey, you cheated, squirt!"

The young pilot of Green Lion turned his head back towards the direction of Lance and playfully retorted, "Yeah, well, this squirt isn't going to fix your junk anymore, how about that?"

That did it. Lance immediately stifled his mouth as best he could. Some incoherent, minor grumblings escaped his tight lips, but it was satisfactory enough for the savvy computer geek. At long last, he returned his attentions back to the round, enticing button and dramatically pushed it, causing the main view screen to flare to life with a familiar countenance. The face was warm and a litttle weathered, belonging to a mature, older male.

"Commander Hawkins!" Keith greeted him jovially, "How is everything going, sir?"

The vast smile that split his face immediately informed them of everything that had transpired better than any mere words ever could. Despite this, he still addressed them proudly.

"We did it! Our boys finally did it!" the senior officer happily declared as he waved around the letter that had been sent to them from La-Aquadi, "We cracked the letter!"

"Well, what does it say?!" Hunk cried loudly, spreading his arms out in expectancy. He then ammended his hasty demand with a hesitant, "....uh, sir?"

Commander Hawkins' expression darkened a little, not from Hunk's brief lack of respect, but from the news he was about to bestow upon them.

"The La-Aquadi intend to attack, oddly enough, the Mr. Universe competition taking place on planet Tyrus in 5 days," he explained in a cautious manner, "They are targeting the Empire this time rather than the Alliance. If I had my way, I'd normally say to let the Empire suck on its own filth and let it deal with its own affairs, but," his mouth now visibly tightened into a thin, set line, "This is the first time we have had a shot at taking the La-Aquadi down, and I don't want Doom to ruin it for us. They are dangerous, much too dangerous, to be allowed to continue to operate. We must sieze this opportunity to penetrate into them once and for all. And if that opportunity also includes a stipulation to assist the enemy....," he pounded a desktop with his fist out of frustration, "My God, do you know how much that kills me, as a Commanding Officer, to say this? We at Galaxy Garrison feel that it is simply a necessary evil in order to stop an even greater evil at the moment; the Drule Empire is well-entrenched, but the La-Aquadi are not.... yet. We need to uproot them before they ever get the chance to grow that powerful; nip it in the bud, so to speak. You will also be saving countless lives. Is what I'm saying making any sense to you?"

Keith did not flinch, and his maple eyes were filled with forbearing, if not a little understandable reluctance, as well.

"Crystal clear, sir."

"Then do you understand your mission and abide by it?"

The Voltron Force commander lowered his head deferentially.

"Yes, sir. We are the closest Alliance force in the proximity of planet Tyrus, and we are to inifltrate the event and prevent the attack from ever being carried out, and if possible, capture any La-Aquadi members who are present."

Commander Hawkins nodded in approval when he solemnly replied, "Very well, Voltron Force. You will be provided with Garrison support as needed. God be with you."

The Castle Control view screen powered down as soon as the transmission was ended.


	4. A Plan is Hatched

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good! :P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies.... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0-o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch. 4

The team simply stared in incredulity for a few tense seconds, and then the outpouring of questions came forth like water bursting from a dam.

"The Mr. Universe competition?!?!?!"

"What the hell??"

"Dude, why would La-Aquadi bomb a bunch of steroid-pumped, macho, ego-inflated-"

"O-kay, Lance, we get the idea!" Keith cut him off short, sounding a little irritated, "I have no idea why. I think that it's ludricrous, too. But they're intending to do it still the same. The Commander is right- we need to set aside our dislike of Doom and use this opportunity to destroy the terrorist organization before they get the chance to become stronger- the Alliance doesn't need to to go up against both the Empire and an equally powerful La-Aquadi!"

His attentions focused now on the Princess of Arus.

Gently seizing her by the shoulders, he gazed down at her for a moment. She was a little shorter than him, the top of her head brushing just under his nose. Her golden hair was swept back into braid, and her oceanic eyes looked back at him, transfixing him. Since their first coming to Arus, she had grown much- changing from a sheltered, frightened girl into a fully capable woman who didn't take shit from anyone, despite her deceptively naive demeanor. And....

Keith halted the direction his train of thought was going, mortified. What he was thinking was bordering along the lines of fraternization!

"Keith?"

Allura's crystalline intonation shook him from his reverie.

"Oh, uh....," Keith, embarrased, stumbled acrossed his words as he felt the heat rise in his cheeks, "What.... I meant to say is that this is a dangerous mission, and you could be put at risk. You should probably stay here, Princess."

She smiled with a warm tenderness, with just a trace of annoyance mixed in.

Lightly removing his hands from her, she replied placidly, with an undercurrent of strength in her voice, "I realize that my position contains certain safegaurds which, I agree, need to be observed. I have no heirs to the throne. However, the moment that both the Blue Lion and the team accepted me, I became a member of the Voltron Force, which also carries its own obligations, the protection of Arus. And right now, we are facing a threat to not only Arus, but the entire galaxy, if it is allowed to continue on. Four Lions do not make Voltron, and we have no standby pilots; Sven is busy attending to the defenses of Pollux."

Keith swiftly averted his gaze, looking troubled.

Sighing inwardly, she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Keith, you guys might need me. I promise.... I will exercise prudence."

That did it. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Very well, Princess. Whatever Coran says, we'll abide by."

Another smile graced her lips.

"I rule here. I will inform Coran of my decision, and he will respect it."

Keith's expression widened at the audicity of her statement; although technically it was true, Allura had never before uttered words of such conviction!

Lance interrupted the silence with a low, approving whistle. "Way to go, Princess!"

In contrast with her previous staunch manner, her cheeks colored slightly, her pale skin tinged with just the slighest hint of red.

"Why, thank you, Lance!" she replied, pleased by the compliment. She then disengaged herself from the Voltron Force leader.

Hunk now placed himself in the center of the gathered group.

"Okay, okay, so the Princess is in. That's fine," he argued pointedly, "But we don't have much time. We need to start planning this infiltration now!"

Keith waved his temper down, acknowledging the urgency of the situation, which in turn appeared to cool Hunk's impatience.

"He's right, team. What do we know so far? The event is on Tyrus, which is under Drule sanction. And yeah, it's kinda next door to planet Doom, which is another complication in itself. Although I hate their guts just as much as any of you, we are going to need to suspend reality as we know it and seek their cooperation in this matter," before everyone's jaw could drop, he continued logically onward, "It would prove exceedingly difficult to sneak onto Tyrus and duke it out with both the Drules and the La-Aquadi at the same time. Like the Commander said, we need to think of this as a necessary evil in order to take down the greater evil at the moment. The Empire has done dispicable things, but they are at least stable, with an aim that they're going for, and they're orderly about it. The La-Aquadi would plunge everyone, and I mean everyone, into utter death and chaos."

"But what makes you think that Doom would even cooperate with us?" Lance exclaimed, "Zarkon would just tell us to go kiss his warty, blue ass. Or better yet, send a robeast onto Arus while we're away traipsing about several scantily-clad men on Tyrus, and then tell us to kiss his warty, blue ass!"

"I know, I know....," Keith trailed off pensively, glancing out into nothing in particular as he drummed his fingers across his bicep, his arms crossed in thought, "But we still need their cooperation. The La-Aquadi are a threat to them as well."

"A fat lot of good that'll do us! He'd call us liars!"

"Still, somehow, we must circumvent Zarkon and compel someone who will not only aid us, but will also prevent the little fact of what we're doing from ever reaching Zarkon so that he doesn't get it into his head to sic one of Hagar's lovely creations on Arus."

"Okay, so let's say that we do obtain the help of this mysterious good samaritan," Pidge offered calmly, "We're on Tyrus. Now what?"

His leadership skills quickly being put to the test, Keith sank into even deeper meditation.

Closing his eyes in reflection, he answered in a detached voice, "We know that La-Aquadi will be there. We just don't know where they'll be exactly. The Mr. Universe competition will be huge.... a veritable media circus. Everyone will be there, so I suspect that Tyrus will declare neutrality for the duration of the event, meaning that anyone can be on the planet without worry. The La-Aquadi could be anywhere, in that case. We'd need to be able to access everything in order to search for them and the bomb, and....," Keith opened his eyes wide, "Guys, I think.... that we're going to have to send someone in there."

"What?!?!"

"You mean.... to crash the event?"

"No, not crash it, but compete in it," the commander of the Voltron Force said, his tone just as unbelieving as everyone else's, "I can't really think of any other way where we could get just as good of access to things.... But it would look kind of weird if one of us were up there.... But if the contestant were.... affiliated with the Empire somehow....," he straightened himself out now as the rest of the sudden epiphany descended upon him, "Why.... I don't think anyone would bat so much as an eye!" he mulled this over, "This mission is too integral to risk some random guard catching and questiong us before the bomb is uncovered. We need to keep our profile low. We need to send in someone who normally wouldn't be caught dead with us."

"Someone from Doom....," Hunk trailed of wonderingly.

"Fine, we need Doom!" Pidge dashed forward, wailing in disgust, "But, again, what makes you think that they'll cooperate with us? The fact that La-Aquadi is targeting them will hardly phase them! They'll just continue on with their usual arrogance and say that they can take care of things themselves! And then they'd probably bungle things up, ruining possibly the only good opportunity we'll ever get at shutting La-Aquadi down for good!"

Keith cringed at this.

"As usual, you're correct, Pidge," he sighed, still mentally trying to grasp at a solution to their dilemma, "And we'll have to think of something. It just may be that we'll have to make some concessions, as long as they don't harm us or the Alliance," he gestured helplessly in the air, "Whether we like it or not, we're at the Drules' mercy regarding this infiltration. Before we choose who we can possibly go to, we need to pick a prospective competitor and devise a sound plan that we can present, and fast.... so at least whoever we talk to won't laugh in our face.... at first. If we can set aside our differences just this once, maybe they can, too."

Allura clenched her arms tightly around herself, shivering slightly. She knew it wasn't from the cold, but she couldn't quite place her finger on the exact cause, either.

"So who do we choose?" she inquired, doubt beginning to cloud her features.

It was a question they had all been dreading. The team members all stood in stony silence, no one person able to come to a possible resolution. Or perhaps they were simply unwilling to. As the figurative sound of crickets chirping in an empty chamber continued to seranade them, Pidge suddenly brightened.

"Hey, guys, we don't need to look so sad!" the Green Lion pilot broke in, a note of hidden optimism in his tone struggling to banish the depressing atmosphere that surrounded them, "We've come a long way from where we first started! We have a firm foundation to go from. That's half the struggle, gone already!" an uncharacteristically diabolical smirk then unexpectedly crossed his features, "And I know what we can do! I've got a program that I've been wanting to test out, and it just might be able to help us choose our would-be competitor...."

When he trailed off suggestively, everyone stared at him, bewildered, but they allowed him to pass by unchallenged to the main computer of Castle Control.


	5. Pidge to the Rescue Sort of

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good:P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0-o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch. 5

As the computer hummed to life, the child prodigy of green(ok, he's not a little kid, but he's pretty teeny) fiddled around with the buttons on the console and typed in some cryptic commands. At long last, he finally slipped something out of his pocket and inserted it into the machine.

"This is a database of all of the inhabitants and top officials in Castle Doom. It contains descriptions of them, any possible weaknesses, and includes a 3D model of each person to provide easier means of identifying them" Pidge chattered excitedly, his fingers flying over the console's keys; he was in his element.

The main menu of the program came up shortly. It looked deceptively simple, just an entry field and a search button.

"You're sure this is going to work" Hunk asked falteringly.

Pidge "tut-tutted" him with an index finger in a disappointed manner.

"Oh, ye of little faith, just wait and see... So, who do you guys want to look at first? Remember, it's gotta be a male" he reminded them all as he adjusted his glasses for the millionth time that day.

Lance snapped his finger in an overexaggerated regretful manner. "Schucks, and there goes my opportunity to peek at Hagar."

"Seriously, guys..."

"Um, pick Cossack" Allura suggested loudly, not wanting to be left out.

"Alright, Princess wants Cossack" Pidge stated avidly as his fingers moved in an intricate dance over the keyboard"And viola"

No sooner was the name typed in did something pop up. And true to the techie's words, a 3D image of the buffoon-like Drule commander, replete with his infamous horned helmet, was included with the description.

"Now watch as I merge my database with this children's software program called 'Dress Me Up Ken'" Pidge intoned as he feverishly typed some more.

The remaining Voltron Force members performed a double-take, for as the pilot of Green Lion worked his magic, activity started in the area of Cossack's image on the screen. No longer was the 3D model wearing his usual military uniform. Now, Cossack was resplendent in a Terran tux.

"Wow, that's really great, Pidge" Keith blurted out as he clapped the shorter pilot on the back admiringly.

"You guys haven't seen anything yet" Pidge answered laughingly.

He pressed another button, and, lo and behold, Cossack's tux shimmered and morphed... into a tight pair of black Speedos. Everyone present blanched.

"Alright, squirt, you just signed your own death warrant" Lance shouted jokingly, diving at him in a tackling position"That's a side of Cossack I've never wanted to see! I think I'm going to have nightmares for a week"

Cracking up, Pidge ducked and avoided. "Yeah, it's not like I want to look at these guys in their scivvies, either, but if we want to find someone who stands a chance of competing in that Mr. Universe pagent, he's gotta look half-way decent in a bathing suit! From my understanding, all the guys in the competition are going to be pretty built."

Choking on his own laugher, Lance relented, and the team refocused on the goal at hand.

"So, do you think Cossack's our man"

In truth, Cossack did not look entirely horrible in a Speedo. He was fairly decently-muscled as befitted a military man, but the idiotic grin on his face kind of ruined the overall image.

Hunk waved scoffingly. "Next"

Pidge's fingers danced over the keys again, and Cossack's model was soon replaced by the canine features of Yurak. His 3D model wavered momentarily, and, like Cossack, his uniform became replaced with the offending Speedo.

"Ack! Turn it off" Keith screamed with a horror that was partially mocked, shielding his eyes with his hands from the evil sight.

Pidge was chuckling so hard now he was snorting, and Allura had to gently tap him on the shoulders and a whisper remindingly"He's kinda dead, remember"

"Oh, yeah... I guess I just forgot."

Amidst the raucus giggling, the Voltron Force soon found themselves comfortabley setting their butts down on some of the many plush seats that had been scattered throughout Castle Control, but were now strategically arranged near the main view screen. Bags of popcorn were now myseriously in hand, as well. They all watched in fascinated horror, awaiting the terrifying image that the computer would generate next. Each 3D model was worse than the one that had preceeded it. When the next one came up, they all booed and threw bits of popcorn at the screen.

Practically convulsing from the hilarity of it all, Pidge continued to type furiously. "I've got the motherload right here"

The old 3D model was now replaced by the King of Doom himself. Everyone immediately froze.

"Pidge, think about what you're doing right now" Lance fell to his knees, pleading"We won't be able to form Voltron with our eyes burned out of our skulls" he threw his fists down the ground, sobbing"I want to be able to eventually see my children, and my grandchildren, and watch them grow up! I WANT TO LIVE"

Guffawing sadistically, the techie ignored their pitiful yells and pushed the ill-fated button, taking revenge for all of the short jokes he had had to endure in the past . As if in slow-motion, the rest of the team observed in horror as Zarkon's customary long robes shimmered... and the fish-like tyrant then became clad in nothing but the little, itty bitty, teeny, tiny piece of black spandex.

At first, there was silence... and then the screams started. Allura had managed to shield her eyes just in time, as had Lance, from the evil, evil, evil, evil image, but, unfortunately, Keith had not had the foresight to do the same, and so he caught the brunt of it head on. A blood-curdling shriek escaped his lips, and the Princess heard something that sounded like him collapsing onto the floor. Meanwhile, Hunk was struggling blindly towards Pidge, who was still laughing insanely. He fumbled around a little, but he soon found a handhold in Pidge's shirt amidst all of the swirling confusion.

Yanking the short pilot up to face-level, he sightlessly bellowed at him"Make it stop! Now"

Rolling his eyes, Pidge finally relented. "Fine, fine, you guys really are no fun."

After Hunk dropped him to the floor, he typed in some more junk, and the image of Zarkon disappeared as if it had never been.

"OK, you can look now"

Allura cautiously parted her fingers a little, peering through the cracks to see if everything really was safe again. When she realized that she had been holding her breath, she released her spent breath and inhaled slowly... everything seemed okay, at least... She glanced over at Lance and saw that he was taking similar stock of the situation. All of a sudden, it dawned on her.

"KEITH!

The princess immediately ran to where he had been, and she found him flat on his back, spread-eagle, with his head banging back into the floor repeatedly as if in a spasm. His dark eyes were wide and glassy, and he was foaming at the mouth.

"Keith" she screamed, shaking his shoulders desperately as she knelt by his side"Say something"

As if by some command, the Black Lion pilot suddenly stopped his jerking, and he shot up, clutching at Allura's front feebly. He stared blankly out out at something in the distance, gasping cryptically"Do you see"

"See what" she cried, taken aback.

His grip on her dress tightened. "Do you see"

"I don't understand"

Keith convulsed again, releasing his hold on her, and he fell back into her arms. "I-I-I s-s-see Zarkon."

Turning to Lance, she yelled frantically"Quick, bring him some water"

Nodding mutely, he wasted no time in running for the kitchens, and quicker than you could say"Hey, isn't that Hagar's blue cat", he returned, carrying a pitcher filled to the brim with icy water. He then promptly dumped it onto his possessed commander's face.

As if by magic, Keith ceased all of his spastic motions. The haunted expression he had worn on his visage also disappeared.

"Hey, guys! Is everything alright? Why am I on the ground, and why am I soaked" he asked, puzzled, scratching the back of his head underneath his unruly hair.

Lance muttered to Allura under his breath"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... It's probably better this way."

"I agree" she whispered back.

Meanwhile, a very bedraggled, but revived, Keith had gotten up and was now shaking his head like a puppy that had been smacked with a newspaper. Lance stowed the empty pitcher away back in the kitchens, and everyone was now congregating back in front of the view screen again.

"If Zarkon's the best we got, then we're in for a lot of trouble" Hunk stated, crossing his arms worriedly.

Keith perked up suspiciously at the name "Zarkon" for a moment, but he then shrugged and threw the nagging doubt away.

Allura rubbed her chin thoughtfully, murmuring"There is one name we haven't tried..." she paused, waving her hand errantly"Nah, no way."


	6. Allura Takes One for the Team

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good:P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything 0o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch. 6

Pidge, eager to escape the certain death that no doubt awaited him later on that day, piped up"Come on, Princess! Anything can help. Who is it"

She shook her head vigorously, making her braid wave back and forth across her back"There isn't any way it would ever work."

"Try us, Princess."

Grimacing as if she had just released the most idiotic idea out into the world, she grumbled in a voice that was just barely audible"Ltr."

"Who"

"Ltor"

Pidge looked as if he wanted to ask again, but his eyes widened, and he evidently finally caught on to what she was trying to say. "Oh-h-h-h, I see."

He dutifully moved his fingers across the keys of the console again, and the image of the Prince of Doom now occupied the screen. Everyone stared at the 3D model, contemplating for a moment, but when this one moment grew into several moments, Allura felt her jaw drop to the ground.

"You guys can't seriously be thinking of this"

No one answered her at first.

"I don't know, Princess... I don't like him, either, but all of the other possible candidates, with maybe Cossack as the exception, looked kinda of like... something a robeast sat on" Pidge reasoned grudgingly.

"Yeah, and you have to admit, Lotor's pretty easy on the eyes" Lance added.

"But-but-but-but..." she sputtered incredulously"So what? Just because you're a little cute, it doesn't mean anything! Come on, it's Lotor, people! He's rude, he's crude! He's got all of the charm of a... of a... robeast! He's a slob! Look at him! We'd need someone who'd stand a chance of getting into the Top 5 of the competition so he could have access to everything backstage and beyond"

Everyone sat in silence for a minute, apparently mentally digesting what she had to say.

...But of course I'm right!..., Allura thought furiously, now just plain mad.

She glanced back up at Lotor's model as if to confirm her opinion. His white hair was scattered all over the place, and it looked like he had gotten dressed with his eyes shut. His countenance was screwed up in a feral snarl, as if someone had just woken him up from a really, really good dream, and overall, his appearance reflected that of someone who had just gone through a strenuous military exercise and hadn't even bothered to change afterwards. And yet...

...No way! No how!..., she swore to herself, cutting off that train of thought before it even had a chance to leave its tracks, ...How he's managed to conquer all of those planets, considering how much he blunders about, is beyond me!...

"I'm still a little unsure, Princess..." Pidge trailed off reluctantly, interrupting her reflections"He may be a bit of a klutzoid, but if maybe he cut his hair a teeny bit and changed into a decent uniform... restrained his temper a little...clean up his image, you know... I think that maybe he'd stand a pretty good chance."

"But-but-but-but..." Allura felt her mouth open repeatedly, yet no intelligible retort came out.

Pidge pushed another button, and the clothing on Lotor's image promptly transformed into the notorious black Speedo.

"Whoa..."

Lance eyed the screen for a long time. "My thoughts exactly. ...Like you said, for being a fashion nightmare, the dude's built like a brick shit house"

The Voltron Force commander felt up one his biceps, somehow feeling inadequate at the moment, even though he was intelligent enough to realize that he was already in great shape. But the words still came out of his mouth"Geez, I think I need to start hitting the gym more often..."

The pilot of Yellow Lion also nodded in agreement, a strange expression on his face.

They then all turned towards Allura expectantly. "Princess"

She had stiffly turned her head away from the view screen, her nose in the air, unwilling to glance at the image, even though she was a little bit curious, which she would never admit to, of course.

...Come on... you know you want to... Ack! I change my mind! No I don't! It's Lotor! He's a pig!...

"Princess, you're part of the team, too. We all have to decide together" Keith reminded her, disintegrating her conflicting thoughts"At least have an open mind."

Biting down her lip, she wrenchingly yanked her head back and forced herself to look at the image of her pursuer... and stared.

"That's Lotor" Allura choked out in shock.

"Yep" Hunk answered to no one in particular"Who would've thought that blue-boy was that cut! He puts me to shame."

Allura barely heard him.

...This is Lotor!...

The prince of Doom's 3D model looked like a Greek statue, as hard as marble and chiseled perfectly in all of the right places. Taut abdomen, massive chest, tight-

...But this guy's sexy! There's no way it can be that klutz!..., she thought frantically.

As if to reassure herself that this could not possibly be the same person who tried to make off with her at least every other week, tripping over every object all the while, she hurriedly looked back up to the model's face, but sure enough, it was Lotor, infuriated snarl and all.

...But-but-but-but!...

"How accurate are these images" she mumbled in Pidge's direction.

"99.2 percent" he responded.

"Princess" Keith addressed her again.

"Okay, he's hot" she blurted out, but immediately became mortified at her blatant honesty"Uh, I mean, it's hot in here! Can, uh... someone open up a window"

The Red Lion pilot smiled knowingly at her. "Freudian slip, Princess"

Allura felt like she was going to explode. "What did you ass- er, ask me"

Lance merely threw his head back and laughed, which infuriated and flustered her even more.

Keith noticed her face reddening, and so he hastily broke in. "Do you want to pick him, Princess? We might not like him, but he's probably the best choice since he stands a good chance of making it to the final round."

"It's either him, or that doof, Cossack" Pidge shrugged.

Allura's shoulders slumped. "Fine" she concluded weakly, but clapped her hand over mouth before anything else embarrassing could come out.

Keith relaxed. "Okay, so somehow, we've got to get Lotor to cooperate with us. His dislike of his father is no secret, so once we've obtained his aid, we don't really need to worry about Zarkon crashing our plans. And I have no doubt that Lotor would be able to find some way to enter the competition. Now the only problem left is how to get him to cooperate..."

Everyone simultaneously turned and looked in her direction.

"What" she asked cluelessly.

Then it dawned on her. She backed slowly away, her arms waving in the air frantically.

"No! No way! You're nuts! Remember, this is Lotor! He's attacked us countless times"

"Despite this, we still need his help. This might be the only chance we get at going after La-Aquida" Keith wheedled diplomatically"We are not suggesting anything ostentatious that could jeopardize your safety, Princess. But can you bring it upon yourself to at least speak with him about this? His assistance is integral, and if any of us broached the subject with him, he'd simply laugh in our faces. You are the only person he'd listen to. For you, he just might set aside our differences and help us out. Think of the lives you'd be saving. All that you need to do is send him a transmission."

Allura quailed, but she knew that he was, as always, infuriatingly correct. She distractedly flipped her braid back over her shoulders, trying to bide some time before she delivered her answer. An eternity seemed to pass before she replied.

"Ugh... fine" she ground out in a voice that dripped icicles"But remember this, Keith Kogane..." She was now standing in front of her commander, and she yanked him down with his shirt bunched up in her hand so that he was eye-level with her. She made sure that he was staring directly into her furious glare"Don't you ever say that I've never taken one for the team, GOT IT"

When he nodded dumbly, she abruptly released him. "Good"

She now turned and addressed the remaining Voltron Force scathingly"Does anyone ELSE understand"

More feverish nods.

"GOOD"

Taking a deep breath, she slowly regained her composure. "Now, what is it that we need Lotor to do"

Recovering from the miniature onslaught, Keith hesitantly cleared out his throat, ticking off each requirement with a finger on his hand. "We need him to enter the competition somehow and scope out everything backstage, obtaining as much information as possible, maybe even questioning unsuspecting people for us, if required. I suspect that the La-Aquadi have a mole there, and want to catch it. Lotor's presence will allow us to conduct the mission while retaining a low profile."

"Right."

Inhaling deeply, Allura summoned up all of the courage she could find within herself, and approached the console with all the urgency of a death march. The guys all flashed her a thumbs-up sign, which she secretly appreciated.

"Can you all please leave the room for just a few" she requested as her fingers hovered over the various buttons once she got there"If I must embarrass myself, I'd prefer to do it in private."

They obligingly honored her request, and the princess reluctantly entered in the coordinates for Lotor's fighter.

...I cannot believe that I am doing this... Oh, the things I do for other people...

Just one more button left to press before the transmission would be sent out...

Allura held her breath... and pushed.


	7. I'm Gonna Make You an Offer You Can't Re...

Disclaimer: I do not own "Voltron: Defender of the Universe". I do not own the movie "Miss Congeniality". The former really belongs to WEP and the latter belongs to Warner Bros. Pictures, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Village Roadshow Pictures. This fanfiction was written by me, so please don't use it without my permission, m'kay? Got it? Good! :P

Author's Note: Yay! Another crossover fic! Okies.... this is a story that I've been playing around with. Usually, Lotor is portrayed as one slick mo-fo who can really ooze out the charm, but for the sake of this story, I'm really roughing his character up- rude and crude, a slob, Conan the Barbarian-ish, you get the idea :). And as for the dorky name of the terrorist group in this fic, it's a wordplay off of Al-Quaida. I couldn't really think of anything O-o.

"Mr. Congeniality"

Ch. 7

It seemed as if the whole world had simply halted as Allura awaited the impending transmission with baited breath. She could feel her heart beat slower.... and slower.... until it was merely a dull thud in her chest. What the hell was she doing?!

She was tempted to slam her hand down on the button at the last minute, thereby canceling the transmission, but Keith's gentle and all but-too quietly convincing voice all of a sudden sprang into her mind, making her pause in the midst of her actions.

....Think of the lives you'd be saving, Princess....

"But-but-but...!" Allura stammered, trying desperately to delve for an excuse, any excuse, to get out of what she had to do.

....We _need_ his cooperation, Princess.... And you are the only one he'll even talk to.... You don't have to do anything ostentatious.... All you need to do is send a transmission.... A simple transmission....

Harried, Allura blew some of her bangs up past the narrow, white coronet on her forehead, and removed her finger from the console. Even with his physical presence absent, Keith knew just what buttons to push in order to get her to comply. She hated needless death and destruction, and would do anything to prevent its onslaught.

....Even enter into a bargain with your enemy?....., she queried impetuously.

....Depending upon the circumstances and the outcome.... yes, even that...., Allura answered her own demand weakly.

She would have prayed to her father for forgiveness, but being how he haunted everything within the castle, way beyond the help that any mere exorcism could provide, he probably already knew of what was happening.

With a resigned sigh, she allowed her head to fall onto the console panel. It looked like she was stuck.

Eventually, Allura grew aware of the yet unanswered "pinging" of her transmission, and her unease slowly transitioned to the thin line that bordered between impatience and anger.

"Where the hell are you, Lotor?!" she scowled agitatedly at the view screen, crossing her arms tightly across her chest, "You'd think of all times, the one time where I'm willingly calling upon you, that you'd at least be courteous enough to answer."

Well, whatever. She waited a little while longer, and just as she was about to terminate the transmission in disgust, lo and behold, someone finally did pick up. The screen now showed a view of Lotor, Prince of Doom, flying in his fighter, apparently distracted.

"Look, Cossack, can't you see that I'm kinda busy?" he said plainly, not even glancing at the screen as he blindly searched for something on the floor, "I'll deal with your BS some other time-"

Nettled, Allura very loudly and obviously cleared her throat, interrupting him in mid-retort.

Lotor, in his anger, brought his face up and glowered balefully, jabbing a finger into the view screen and snarling, "I SAID, I'll deal with your BS later- ALLURA?!?!"

He faltered and performed a double take, his pointing finger immediately going limp. Allura had to smother a loud laugh at the priceless expression on his face. Meanwhile, Lotor rubbed his saffron eyes with his hands, but when the blessed vision of his goddess before him did not disappear, he sat back wonderingly. ....Man, that must have been some pretty powerful shit I drank last night!....

Allura stared at him curiously for a few seconds. He looked as he always did- disheveled, as if he had just woken up, and infuriatingly enticing. His pointed ears were more visible than usual, as his long, icy-colored mane was tied back somewhat haphazardly. He also wasn't in his usual uniform; his upper body was clothed in a white shirt that, oddly enough, looked like it had had several things ripped from it. Almost unwillingly, an image of his 3D model slowly meandered its way into her mind, with those huge.... and those tight....- but she immediately chose to banish that thought before it could do too much damage. Meanwhile, Lotor also appeared a little tired, with faint circles under his felinoid eyes. Despite the surrealistic situation, she found herself wanting to giggle again.

"Long night, Lotor?"

"Wha?" one of Lotor's white brows shot up oddly; when he managed to locate his voice, he demanded suspiciously, "Are you a hallucination?"

The princess allowed her cerulean eyes to roll skyward. "Last time I checked, no."

"How do I know that you're not lying?!"

An undercurrent of annoyance now edged Allura's tone. "You're a dick."

Lotor rubbed his chin for a moment, lost in thought. "Yeah, okay, your story checks out. And besides, you're not dressed in leather and vinyl."

She tactfully chose not to inquire further.

His voice now becoming suave, he put his fighter on autopilot and leaned back into his seat, his outstretched arms tucked behind his head. "So, to whom do I owe this pleasure, Allura? ....Or do I dare say that you've finally come to your senses?" he inquired in an languid tone.

He flashed her a winning smirk.

"Yes, against all logic, I find myself incredibly drawn to you, and I must run away with you, that is, assuming you don't give me a concussion when you trip over every random object that lies in your path," she replied flatly.

Lotor made as if he were clutching at a fatal wound in his chest. "Ouch. You got me!" he then cooly responded, "So its no secret that I'm a little uncoordinated; what of it? Although you are perfect in my eyes, you are not without your flaws, either. If you haven't come to realize what you must know to be the inevitable, then what are you contacting me for? It is unlike you to make pleasure calls."

Allura cringed.

....Here goes nothing....

Holding her breath, she quickly launched into the hurried, premeditated schpeel that she had practiced over and over again during those brief few minutes she had had between the moment when all the guys had departed the room and when she had first initiated the transmission. As Lotor listened to her rushed words, his countenance went from appearing simply amused to incredulous. When she did at last finish, she desperately wanted the floor to swallow her up from the flaming embarrassment that now burned in her cheeks.

Lotor had a finger in the air and his mouth was opened ever so slightly, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't quite find the words.

"You want me to what?!" he finally croaked before clearing his throat, "You must be joking.... right?"

Wincing yet again, Allura averted her gaze and glared off into the distance, her face now as bright pink as her as her dress. Her blonde braid whipped menacingly behind her head. ....Man, was she glad that the guys weren't in here to see her like this!

"You heard me," she mumbled in disgust, "And I wouldn't have tried to contact you over just a stupid joke."

At this, the Drule prince promptly snapped his mouth shut and remained silent, evidently absorbing everything she had had to say. Allura had a point- she wouldn't have called him just so that she could prank him. It just wasn't.... her.

"....Ugh.... so will you do it?" Allura asked reluctantly, her face turned away from him so he could not see how red she was becoming.

Lotor sat back again, mentally piecing together her strange request, his fingers tapping out an odd rhythm over his console surface. "Let me get this straight- you not only want me to cooperate with the ones who are supposed to be my sworn enemies, but you also want me to smuggle them into Drule territory, not inform our intelligence or my father of it, and conduct espionage for them, at a beauty pageant for men, no less," he shook his head wonderingly, and then grinned at her wryly, "You do know that what you are asking me to do is treason to the Empire, right?"

"But, but, but-!" Allura pursed her lips furiously, trying to fathom any retort that would come to mind as she faced him again, "The La-Aquadi are a threat to you, too! They mean to overthrow you, as well as the Alliance!"

"Now what's to stop me from telling your beloved commander to piss off and act on this on my own?" he reasoned humorously, his golden eyes dancing mischievously, "Why the sudden interest in working so closely with the enemy?"

"Because you'd foul it all up, that's why!" Allura swore, her muscles knotting up in irritation, "This is the only shot that we're going to get at La-Aquadi before they strike, and you'd blow it for us!"

"And yet you require my assistance," Lotor replied blandly as he examined his nails, as if they had just now become an object of intense interest, "Tell me, Princess, why should I help your pathetic, little Voltron Force, when it is the exact antithesis of what I want to do? This is an affair that my own men are fully capable of handling without your help."

Prior to this statement, Allura had at least been buoyed by a faint glimmer of hope, but that surely foolish optimism was now crumbling into a million pieces. She had sense that he might act this pig-headed, but she had been so hopeful that this realization still came as a shock to her. Against her will, she felt tears of frustration well up in her cerulean eyes, but she was too proud to let them fall in front of him.

"God damn it, Lotor! For once, think of someone other than yourself!" she cried bitterly, slamming her palms down onto the console, "You heard me beforehand, this might be our only chance to stop them once and for all! If you could only just set aside our differences for the moment, we could save countless lives! We're willing to! Do you even care?! For once, you could do something to counteract some of the evil you have committed, and still are committing! ....Stop being such a.... bastard!!"

At first, the Drule prince was about to lash back with an eloquent come-back to this onslaught, but upon seeing her watering eyes, he slapped himself in the forehead and groaned. "Please don't look at me like that.... You know I can't stand to see you cry."

Allura guardedly wiped her face with a sleeve, sniffing. "Crying? I have no idea what you're talking about. I just had something in my eye."

"Uh, huh....right," Lotor was now leaning forward in his seat, clearly ill at ease, sighing in defeat, "If this means so much to you, then.... ugh.... okay, suspending reality for the moment, if I were to do this, then what's in it for me? I'm not asking because I want to be a selfish bastard just for the heck of it, but what you are asking me to do is technically treason, and, much to my chagrin, 'saving lives' is not enough of an enticement. You do know the penalty for treason if caught, right?"

The Arusian princess' expression widened; she had not thought of this aspect!

"What- do.... you.... want?" the question was fearful, trailing off in a halting manner.

He immediately shot her a knowing look. "You know what I want."

Allura backed away from the view screen, gesturing wildly in the air with alarm. "No! No way, Lotor! No freakin' way!"

At this, Lotor's visage soured a little. "Why, I thought that since I'd be wagering my life in this matter, that you, who is always willing to sacrifice for your people," he spat this out as if it were a dirty word, "that you might be willing to make this one little concession, as well, although I hardly consider marriage to someone who practically worships the ground you walk on a sacrifice!"

She looked like she wanted to swear again, but instead she pulled at the skirt of her rose-tinged gown in frustration.

"It's not that your offer isn't.... tempting," Allura said very slowly through gritted teeth, "But.... you... me.... together.... it's like trying to shove a round peg through a square hole, Lotor- it just can't possibly be done!"

Lotor squared his jaw staunchly, his countenance dark. "Well, then, I think we can both agree that these negotiations are now over," he ground out tightly.

"Please don't force me into this, Lotor!" her voice was now beginning to crack with grief, and she buried her face into her hands, "God, you won't even listen to me, will you....?!"

The stubborn Drule's features softened somewhat. "There you go again! I really hate it when you do this!" he growled in disgust, rolling his felinoid eyes helplessly, "Okay, okay.... just stop.... doing that....," .....before you make me do something really stupid!.... ,"But I can't do this for free, Allura! You already understand the risk that I'll be undergoing if I do this.... You don't have to marry me, but I want you to at least.... give me a month."

Allura paused in the midst of her despair and glanced at him incredulously. "....A month?"

"A month of your time," he continued smoothly, "That's all that I want. It won't even be on Doom- we can go somewhere else."

This, compared to the prospect of marrying him, mollified Allura slightly, but she still felt as if one of her eyes were going to pop out. "A month.... with you?"

"This is my final offer, Allura....," he trailed off warningly.

"Fine, alright!" she clapped her hands over her ears so as not to hear the actual words that escaped her mouth as she wailed in defeat, "You win! If you help us out, I'll.... spndamnthwthyupntyerdbabbn." The rest of the statement was a mumbled rush.

Lotor put a hand to his ear as if trying to listed for some distant object. "Um, I don't believe I head everything you said, Allura. Can you speak up a little?"

She looked like she might burst at any moment. "I SAID, if you help us out, then, fine! I'll spend a month with you, you pointy-eared baboon!! Gah! Are you happy now?!"

A genuine smile curved across Lotor's face. "Quite, actually.... I do actually try and keep the Empire's best interests in mind, but I feel no loyalty towards my father. I will cooperate with you in this, so I trust you will keep your word....?"

Allura felt a surge of heat surface through her acute embarrassment. "I am not one of your treacherous cohorts.... When I commit myself to something, however insane it may be, I see it through!" she answered hotly, offended that he even dare question her integrity.

He appeared satisfied with this.

"And this pointy-eared baboon will ensure that this decision will be one that you will not regret," Lotor responded smoothly, the smile on his countenance transitioning into a sensuously liquid smirk, "Until next time...."

As the view screen powered down after Lotor abruplty ended the transmission, Allura found herself wanting to sink into the floor.

....Oh.... my..... God.... what have I just done?....., she thought, horrified.

The whole series of events that had just transpired replayed themselves in her mind again and again..... she had basically made a pact with the devil himself! She felt as if she would swoon at any moment, but before her knees could buckle out from underneath her, her resolve suddenly stiffened with an unexpected anger.

"Man, I've been had!" she cursed aloud, "Right, Keith, I wouldn't have to do anything 'ostentatious'! All I'd have to do is just send a transmission, you said! Of all the.....!"

Her deal with Lotor forgotten for the moment, Allura grumbled incoherently and marched towards the Castle Control entrance, menacingly rolling her sleeves up her arms the whole while.

They had yet to feel her fury....


End file.
